Guess this is not the right time...

11 April 2010, Sunday

This morning, hus fly off again to Korea.. Leaving Janelle with me in Singapore...

This weeks, "should i or should i not" had been in my mind running in and out.. up and down.. talked to my friends, families and collegues on this matter.. there are ppl who strongly encourage me, and also ppl who reasoned out for me.. and also ppl who discourage me.

Yesterday night, we had a long chat on whether if i should stay at home be a full time mom. We did our calculation, base on his salary alone, it is sufficient but had to let go of the helper.. no doubt, our monthly expenses is quite high.. electric and phone bills for 2 houses, a car, janelle medicine bills and school fees, household expenses and helper salary and levy, etc etc. so after our calculation, it is just nice, enough... and in order to have a little of saving, maid has to go...

wanted to go for a trial and see if it is ready okie for two months..

And also tried to take care of janelle over the weekend on my own.. wor.. it's not easy.. need to prepare and cook dinner while she was crying outside for accompany.. whole day is just janelle... and had to suit into her schedule.. she is too dependent.. she always needs someone to be around with her.. so when she sleep, then i can only do the housework, when she is around, i need to teach her, guide her and accompany her... maybe i'm not used to it, so i find it quite tough, and cant managed well on my trial day... but i believed, once i get the hang of it, it will be okie..

However, before we concluded... this question comes to my mind.. "what if janelle needs to go for surgery.. do we have enough?".. our answer is NO.. we know that it will not be a big problem if we need money for janelle, my dad and sil can take out for us.. but do we want that? take other ppl for janelle surgery... we as a parent dont even have that kind of money on hand...

after a long thoughts.. and we comes to a conclusion.. i will continue to work.. with this job..and working from home... till workforce reduction, which should be in another 6 more months or so. but i will go and talk to my lead and boss, i dont want to be #1.. #2 is fine with me.. and i will pay more attention to janelle... and save as much as we can...